Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
