Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
