my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
