people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
