as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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