My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize