i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
