How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
