I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
