nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
