OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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