but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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