so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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