he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize