Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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