HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
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