That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
