dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
