What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
