dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
