so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
