yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
