We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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