I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
