Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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