please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
