I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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