you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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