I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
