I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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