who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize