I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
