whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
