I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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