oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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