Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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