I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
