Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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