found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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