your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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