Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
