So drunk its hurt
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
