I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So much Jack, so little girl.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
