id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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