I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
