Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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