So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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