Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
