Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Someone signed my nipple.
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