I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well I just put wine in my tea
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
