I love black thongs
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
