I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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