we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
