I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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