somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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