So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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