How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
