hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
