Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
