garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
