I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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