Nicole vs. Life
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize