It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
