Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do vagina's smell?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
