I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize