Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
