my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he was CRYING into my vagina
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
